A new perspective

So here I sit, in my backyard, my oasis. As I look around I am almost euphoric at the sights, sounds and smells. Beautiful flowers, clean sparkling pool, abundant green herbs, the sounds of water flowing in the fountain, birds chirping, wind chimes chiming, the smell of fresh cut grass, rosemary, basil, lavender....it is all so wonderful.

I appreciate my back yard more this year than any other. I am amazed at the growth of my cucumbers, cherry tomatoes and all my herbs. My hanging baskets bring me so much joy with their endless colourful blooms. The grass seems greener and thicker, the air clearer and cooler.

I am not sure if it because I know I am going to spend a lot of time here in the next several months, or if this disease has put a new perspective on things.

Let me go off an another tangent for a moment. I love dragonflies. I think I always marvelled at how beautiful they were. The other day I saw two huge dragonflies mating in my backyard. The next day I saw another dragonfly, a smaller one. I have lived here for 8 years and have never seen a dragonfly in my yard...and I see 3 in 2 days. I have to see of this is an omen or symbol of something. (Al makes a "you're crazy" signal at me.)

So this is what I found:

Maturity and a Depth of character

The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life. 

The traditional association of Dragonflies with water also gives rise to this meaning to this amazing insect. The Dragonfly’s scurrying flight across water represents an act of going beyond what’s on the surface and looking into the deeper implications and aspects of life.

So...what does this mean? I think it is absolutely appropriate that the dragonflies came to me at this time. I have been through a monumental change with respect to emotional maturity. I have a deeper understanding and appreciation of the world around me. I am content with my life and find joy in the little things - like the sound of wind chimes or seeing a fat bumblebee buzzing around my flowers. 

Regardless of the significance, of any of the dragonflies, I am happy and content and at peace with my life. All is good in my world.

A heart-warming story

I came home from a doctors appointment one day a few months ago and checked the voice-mail. I had a message from Dr. Cuthbert.

Dr. C was the hematologist that I was referred to 2 years ago when it was first discovered that I had MGUS (monoclonal gammopathy of undetermined significance). He was located in Etobicoke (where my family physician is) and we decided to stick with him until the point that I needed treatment.

Dr. C is a lovely man. He is older...not sure how old...and he is from Antigua and is the consummate gentleman! So caring and compassionate, and smart. The absolute perfect doctor! During my MGUS, I had blood work drawn every 3 or 4 months. I would meet with Dr. C and he would go through the results and openly discuss what was probably happening in my body. When we got to the point, last May, where the diagnosis changed from MGUS to Smouldering Myeloma, (which means it is confirmed to be cancer, but is asymptomatic so no treatment is necessary yet), he was reluctant to do the bone marrow biopsy until he really needed to do it to save me from having to have this painful procedure more than once. That's the kind of sweet, kind man he is.

In August, when the x-rays indicated that there were bone lesions in my skull, we worked together to make some decisions regarding next steps. First, I needed to book my trip to Italy and Greece. :)

While I was away on my trip he was going to confer with some colleagues on my x-rays to ensure it was absolutely myeloma and at the point of needing treatment. Since Multiple Myeloma is not curable, and the treatment is very invasive and intense, it is best to do nothing as long as possible. There are 4 symptoms that they look for that indicate when treatment needs to begin. The acronym CRAB is used to describe them.

C is for calcium...sometimes calcium is leached out of the bones into the blood resulting in calcium rich blood or hypercalcemia. This makes the blood thick,and sluggish causing organ damage and poor circulation. I did not have this.:)

R is for renal failure. This is kidney damage. The cancerous IgG proteins and free-light chain proteins that my bone marrow was producing can cause significant damage to the kidneys, resulting in full kidney failure. I did not have any signs of kidney damage. :)

A is for anemia. I did not have any signs of this. :)

B is for bone damage or bone pain. Myeloma causes lytic lesions to form...these are small punched-out holes that form in the bones. I had evidence of several small lesions in my skull. (Yes, you can interject with myriad jokes about holes in my head.)

Because I had one of the four symptoms, it meant it was time for treatment. I was no longer smouldering...I had active multiple myeloma. :(

As I said, Dr. C was going to confer with colleagues to confirm the diagnosis and if it was active MM he would contact Juravinski to confirm that they could take me there. I did not want to lose Dr. C as my oncologist, but since he was connected with the Trillium group of hospitals, it would mean my 4 months of induction chemo would be in Brampton and the Stem Cell Transplant would be at Princess Margaret. It would be much closer for travel for me to transfer to an oncology team out of Hamilton or Niagara.

When I got back from my trip, he confirmed what we already suspected. I needed treatment, I was an excellent candidate for SCT (stem cell transplant), and Juravinski would definitely take me. I was going to miss Dr. C. He asked to be kept in the loop on my medical reports and such and told me that at any time if I was worried or concerned or had questions, he would be happy to help and was only a phone call away.

So....back to the top, and the voice mail message that he left me. He said he had been receiving reports on my progress and was aware that I was soon going to have my SCT. He said he was confident I would do well, he wished me good luck and reminded me that if I ever needed him, to just pick up the phone.

Can you imagine? This man is so busy already with his own patients, hadn't seen me in 7 or 8 months, and yet he took the time to call me just to wish me well. There are some wonderful people in this world!!!

:)

Removal of the Epheresis Catheter (Central Line)

Free at last...I am free at last! I no longer resemble the Borg with a dual port on my right shoulder. :).

This was to be a simple procedure. The radiology technician who prepped me told me that often they don't even need freezing, they simply snip the stitches and pull the line out. Yah, riiiiiiight! I already knew that my line was well established since a pull on the exposed end moved the skin up near my neck. But hey, what do I know...I'm no medical professional!

So Dr. Radiologist comes in and says, "yah, we need some freezing since you've had this for almost 2 months now." There is a Dacron cuff on the line a few inches back from the exit point and scar tissue forms at that place to help secure the line. He said he would freeze me, and would have to release some of the scar tissue from the cuff and then the line would just come right out. Okay...sounds simple enough. I had a funny feeling it wasn't going to be quite that simple.

I hate freezing. I am very sensitive to the lidocaine and it really stings and burns a lot. Maybe this is just normal and I am a wuss, or maybe I am more sensitive than others, but I find it painful. Anyway, he freezes me up and starts to yank and dig and yank and dig. He tells me that I will feel pulling and pushing but if I feel any pain, to let him know. Each yank gives a searing, sharp pain closer to my neck area, and I react with a variety of sounds from sucking in air, to gasping, to ooooh, and finally to a very audible OUCH!! He pauses and says, are you feeling the pulling or does it hurt? Duhh! It really hurts, I tell him. "More freezing" he instructs the technician.

So we try again, more tugging, more pain. I tell him it is up by my neck that it hurts. He feels around and says, "more freezing". This time he injects it closer to my neck and I know he's finally figured it out. <Sigh> Lots more snipping, tugging and ouches later the technician proclaims "it's out!". We all let out a sigh of relief.

The doctor explains that the cuff was not where he expected it to be and it was much closer to my neck than the exit site. He had to make another incision to access the cuff and excise the scar tissue. He laughed and said, "this tubing had become very attached to you" and I replied, "I understand, I am a very likeable person!". Chuckles were had by all. LOL!

Anyway, I think I counted 3 or maybe 4 stitches, as the thread made an audible squeak as he pulled it taut to knot it. Nice!

They dressed it and had me apply pressure for 10 minutes to stop the bleeding. A nurse came in at the five minute mark to ask how I was doing. She said, "I heard you had quite an ordeal", which confirmed my suspicions that, once again, I had transformed a simple procedure into an adventure. Always the over-achiever!

In any event, I am now tubing free and will be able to get totally soaking wet in about a week, once the stitches heal at the new incision and the steri-strips fall off the exit site. I will now have 3 battle scars to remind me of my bravery! :) (No, I don't care about the scars! -- I have earned them all!)

Another Update...this time from Home Sweet Home

Well, Blog Followers, it's been a while. I just haven't felt up to typing during the last few weeks. I am still battling nausea, although it seems to be getting better. Slowly...in a two steps forward, one step back sort of way. One day I will be only slightly nauseated and the next finds me retching my guts out. Damn chemo! It saves your life but asks for so much in return!

With my newly rebooted immune system, I should feel amazing, fresh and new! Like a shiny copper penny. Instead though, I feel like a penny that has been put through one of those souvenir machines...I came out shiny and new, but squished into an oval and embossed with "Juravinski Cancer Centre".

In any event, I am doing well. I get up every morning feeling refreshed and usually nausea free. I have my pills and my yogurt and fruit and sometimes a coffee, if I can stomach it...and then I start my day. This generally involves sitting on the porch or patio with my Ipad until I feel so nauseous that I have to lie down...usually around 10:00 and then that is where I am most of the day.

Yesterday, after lunch, I felt pretty good so I asked Al to go for a walk with me. We got about 4 houses away and I decided it was time to turn around and go back. I was quite pleased with my achievement! You see after lying in bed for nearly 3 weeks, my muscles are not very strong. I am looking forward to being able to get into the pool and "bicycle" around on a pool noodle to build up my legs.

My central line comes out on Monday. Once the stitches are healed, I can get the area wet. A real shower!! Not one with Press and Seal stuck to my chest and shoulder! LOL!

I appreciate all the good wishes, positive energy, cards and gifts that I have received from you. It has certainly helped my spirits but also, I had a fantastic report from the doctor earlier this week. My blood work all is in the "normal" range! He was super impressed with how well my new bone marrow is working.

I am still very susceptible to viruses and bacteria, so I have reluctant to have any visitors until I feel much stronger. Maybe several weeks yet. I wore a mask when I went to the lab at the hospital on Monday and it made me feel extremely nauseated, so I can't even make those compromises yet in order to see people.

In another couple months the doctor will run some blood tests to see what level of remission I have obtained. This will then require me to decide on whether I go on maintenance chemotherapy for a couple years to try to maximize my remission period. More about that when it is time. :)

For now, I am focussed on resting and healing. With all the love and positivity I am getting, I will be better in no time. Thank you all for that!