Ruby Slippers

I edited this post and it changed the date that it was posted. It is from November 2013.


There's no place like home!

When I was out Christmas shopping in November I came across the most adorable slippers. They are snoozies brand and are the most comfortable soft slippers EVER. They have the non-skid bottoms so that even klutzes like me don't fall down on tile floors.

These were red sequined with bows. OMG! I had to have them. I thought they would be so cool to wear while in the hospital. Who could look at ruby slippers and not smile?

They remind me of how much I enjoy being at home. I am a very social person. People who know me will probably say that I am usually upbeat, funny, loud, talkative, etc.   I am.   But I also love to be by myself and just be quiet and introspective. I love a good book or a good movie. In my drug-induced stupors of late, I can sit or lie down and do and think about nothing for hours at a time. It doesn't bother me. I love feeling peaceful. :)

Before I had my tennis elbow surgeries last year I practiced visualisation to get me through it. (I had to have both surgeries with local anaesthetic only). I would visualise myself lying on a sandy beach...warm sun beating down, water coming in with each wave - washing cooling water over me - as I breathed in and out. It worked very well.

While we were in the Mediterranean I searched for the very spot on the beach where I could create this in reality. Unfortunately I didn't find it...there were too many distractions on the beaches....but I discovered something else. I didn't need the beach.

When I had my first reiki treatment, I was asked to visualise something happy and calm and relaxing. I went to the beach. It didn't work. It was too difficult to try to stay in that moment. I thought about when I felt the most at peace and content and happy. Then it hit me. It was home.

More specifically it was at home, just before Al and I go to sleep. Every night, Al and I cuddle with him spooning me and wrapping his arms around me. We usually only stay like that for about 2 minutes before I get too hot, (peri-menopause!!) but it calms and soothes and relaxes us. This is my happy place. It is my new "go-to" happy place.

So my ruby slippers not only evoke that feeling of being home and quiet and cocooned, but of being wrapped in love. (Al is puking into his mouth right now...sorry - that kind of ruined the moment.)

I think everyone should have an anchor that brings them to a warm peaceful place like mine. If you don't, it's worth the journey to seek it out. The rewards are priceless. Just like ruby slippers.

There's no place like home. :)

Altered States

I edited this posting and it changed the date of the post. It was originally posted in December 2013.

LOL...that is how I view my life right now.

What a wild ride this last week has been.

Day 1 – Normal. A little uptight about getting started but all in all I felt pretty normal.

Day 2, 3, 4 – Psycho. Hyper active, buzzing with energy but so tired at the same time. Hungry to eat anything I could get my greedy little hands on. No sleep...hours of lying awake trying to will myself to sleep.  Taking Ativan to nap, and seriously considering a request for medical marijuana to calm me down.

Day 5 – Stunned. Getting dressed and putting on makeup was an out-of-body experience. Drove to the hospital to get my disability papers and should not have done that. Had a weird conversation in the cafeteria with my husband’s cardiologist where I tell him I am in a Chemo Fog and somewhat incoherent. I think he thinks I am nuts.

Day 6, 7 – Blob. Feeling faint and lethargic. Spent the day in bed or on the couch. Fell going up the stairs because I was moving “too fast” at a slower pace than a snail. LOL.

Day 8 – Yeehaw!! Crazy energetic and ravenous. I actually gained 7 pounds today. LMAO! God, I hope it is water weight!! LOL!!

Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Poor Al. I hope he doesn’t lose his sense of humour.

Goodnight folks...<Big crazy beaming grin>

The journey officially begins

This post is out of order due to an edit I made. Sorry for the confusion. It is from October 2013.


Yesterday, Oct 28, 2013, my journey officially began. I met my new oncologist, Dr. H and his nurse Barb. I was pleasantly surprised by how nice everyone was...from reception to pharmacist, to lab techs. Everyone was genuinely caring and attentive.

Dr. H says he is not 100% convinced it is time to start treatment yet. Although I have lytic lesions in my skull, they are very small. I am not anemic (as of blood work taken 3 months ago), and my kidney function is normal. The bone marrow biopsy will tell the tale. I also had blood taken and am scheduled for an MRI. Currently doing the 24 hour urine collection. The results of all these tests will ultimately tell the tale. It is amazing what they can do with this info. Based on chromosomal analysis they can predict the reaction that the cancer will have to the chemo drugs. They will then decide how and when treatment will take place.

The biopsy itself was disturbing. My hubby doesn't really get what I mean by that. I internalize pain and negative emotions...so I sometimes feel shell-shocked after a painful event...both physical and mental. When I had my tennis elbow surgeries earlier this year it was much the same...the pain was tolerable - it was only the freezing and the staples into unfrozen parts that hurt...but the sounds, sensations and visualization of the process were disturbing to me. I have a vivid imagination, so the hammer and chisel pounding on my elbow made me emotionally sick. You know how you turn away in a gory movie? Like that only it is in your mind and you can't turn away. My bone marrow biopsy was like that.

The freezing hurt like a bitch (some people tolerate the alkalinity better than others) but it was the sensation of the needle pushing and boring into your bone that gets to you. The first one - the aspiration needle is smaller and did not hurt so much going in. The syringe that sucks out the marrow sample is a strange sensation. You feel the sucking sensation throughout your pelvis. It didn't hurt so much as freak me out. It hurt a little, and you get electrical shock type feelings down your leg...but the sucking...OMG! He decided to take three samples...but it did not get better or easier each time.  Then they take a bone sample. This is a bigger needle and the doctor is literally heaving on it as he turns it this way and that to get it into your bone. It hurts but it is the sensation and thought of what it is doing that disturbs me. And then it haunts me for hours after...leaving me quiet, sullen and in a shell-shocked state. Poor hubby didn't know what to do!

Today, I am doing well. Tender, but resolved the imagery of the procedure.