I am just back from British Columbia. I was visiting my sister in Squamish (between Whistler and Vancouver on the Sea-to-Sky Highway). It was nice to have my Mom, and both of my sisters together. It has been many years since we were in the same room/province! It will help all of us, and especially my Mom, to begin to heal from my Dad’s passing in August.
My Dad did not want any kind of service (funeral or celebration of life). We respected his wishes, but I believe it has made the grieving process so much harder on all of us.
I never really understood what “closure” meant. It was not important to me to say goodbye to the deceased in person. I sent my thoughts out to the universe with the hope that it would get to where it was intended.
There is something missing though, when you don’t have that get-together. The vehicle through which you can comfort one another, listen to memories and stories that bring you joy, and truly appreciate what this person meant to others - not just yourself. It brings “closure” to their life. It ties the bow on the package.
I don’t fault my Dad for his choice. I understand where he was coming from. I just think that if he knew how deeply he had touched people, and how much he was loved, and how that would provide comfort to us, he would have wanted that to be celebrated and shared with his loved ones.
Until you experience the death of a close loved one, you cannot comprehend the impact it has on you. I am still numbed by the experiences of watching my mother-in-law and then my father suffer strokes and die slow (albeit peaceful) deaths. I needed something to provide the kick-start to the grieving process. I think this joining of the Paul Girls may do the trick.
When you have an incurable cancer, like MM, you think a lot about death and dying. As I have written before, I will do all I can to keep my family from having to sit vigil for days watching me die. I will also make plans for a Celebration of Life for my family to experience the love, comfort and joy that it can bring.
Even if you do not have an illness, you should think about your ultimate passing. Pre-plan and even pre-pay your funeral/cremation/interment. The peace of mind you will have and your family will have is worth it. I know what my task is for the new year...it is not a pleasant thought, but I think it is essential. It is unselfish to the extreme.
