Don't worry, be happy!

I few months ago I was afraid that my cancer was progressing. I was very, very tired and had been sick with colds, sinusitis, laryngitis and stomach flu for weeks on end. I was reluctant to make plans for the coming year...just in case.

My check ups showed that I was still in remission. The fatigue and illness were just residual and ongoing effects of the poisons I had subjected my body to over the past 2 years...and still do on a daily basis. Phew!

Since then I have been busy getting on with my life. Al and I are leaving soon for a 2.5 week vacation in Florida. When we get back, I am flying to Calgary to help my daughter set up her new house. In May, I am going to Cuba with my daughter and her friends and my dear friend, Shiela. In June, Al and I are gong to Vancouver, Squamish, and Calgary. In October, I am going to Toronto to see the Adele concert with my friends Carm, Shiela and Anne.

Who knows what other adventures I will embark on? I am living my life. I may have days on these adventures when I can only laze around and sleep or read. And that is okay! As long as there is life to live, I am going to live it...Really LIVE IT!!

YeeHaw!!

I hear the train a comin'...

It is so frustrating to slowly lose one's mind...LOL! I haven't lost mine, yet, but I think I have a better understanding of how someone with early stage dementia or Alzheimer's feels. I forget things...sometimes mid-sentence or sometimes it is more significant than that.

Oftentimes, people say...oh ya...that happens to me all the time. It is just part of getting older, or it is part of menopause. Yadda yadda yadda. I agree, some of my forgetfulness is indeed attributable to those things. But it is not the same. I am not telling you this to garner your sympathy. I am telling you this so that you can understand what people with chemo brain are really going through.

I will give you an example. I (finally) got my papers back from the doctor for my CPP Disability application. I was reading through the doctors' progress reports and on the latest one from Dr. H, it said that I was having an MRI. I immediately went into panic mode...heart pumping, sick feeling in my gut, mind racing..."OMG...did I miss my MRI appointment?? Was it yesterday? It was a Thursday and it was a week that Al was in Ottawa....okay..so not this week! Next week?!"  I scurried over to the calendar...nothing for the month of February related to an MRI. I scolded myself for not remembering to put it on the calendar. How could I be so stupid! OMG...when is it?? I checked my printout of doctor's appointments. Nothing regarding an MRI. I checked my day planner...nothing in February. WTF?!? I sat down and tried to calm my nerves and really think this through. I would not have forgotten to write it down somewhere. I would not have missed such an important appointment. Think...think...think... Suddenly, I remembered. I went 2 weeks ago. In January. I ALREADY HAD MY MRI.

This is not typical menopause or 53 year old behaviour. It is chemo brain. It is a compilation of reaction to the myriad of poisons I have swallowed, injected and infused over the past 2 years. It is the underlying dread and stress that comes along with an incurable disease. It is the exhausted body and brain of someone who has been on the brink of death and "rebooted". And it sucks!!!

I recognize it for what it is, though. I joke about it. I scold myself and try to put processes in place to help myself. I openly acknowledge that I cannot remember things.

I do not understand why people with early onset dementia and Alzheimer's do not acknowledge it. They know what is going on, just as I do. They know that they are forgetting things that they should not forget. They know when they find the Kleenex in the fridge that they put it there. Why do they fight so hard to deny it? Why do they argue with their loved ones, who only want to help them, that there is nothing wrong? There are medications, supplements, brain exercises that can help them...yet they refuse to admit they have a problem. Even in the face of irrefutable evidence, they claim it is a conspiracy. OMG! I really don't understand. Is there still such a stigma around mental disorders that people would rather burn down their house, after forgetting the stove is on, than asking their doctor for some help?? I just don't get it!

At least my family and friends know that if I ask them a question that they just answered 3 minutes ago, it is not that I was not interested or engaged in the conversation. I can tell by the look on their face that I said something strange, so I will ask..."You already told me, didn't you?". And then we laugh...and they tell me again.

We were playing cards with my son and his girlfriend a few nights ago. I kept playing the wrong cards. We were playing UNO. As Mark - or maybe it was Al - said, the game is for 8 year olds...and we laughed. We laughed each time I messed up. No judgement. No hurt feelings. No fear of being put into a home somewhere. We laughed.

When you are dealt with a challenge in your life, you cannot change the situation in many cases, but you have the ability to change how you react to it. I choose to look for the silver lining. I choose to look for the funny side of it. I choose to write about it so that others will also understand.

I choose to be vocal about my journey so that it might give others the courage to be open about their own challenges. Acknowledge it. Own it. It gives you back the power.

The train is leaving the station. You can let it go without you, and be alone. You can lay down in front of it and just get it over with once and for all. Or you can jump on board and start a party! JUMP ON BOARD!!! The train is leaving anyway. :)
 

All magic comes with a price, dearie!

I had a check up today. It was the first time I was nervous about what they would tell me. I have been in remission since my stem cell transplant in May, 2014. Lately I have been so very tired all the time and I was worried that this might mean that my cancer beast had awakened.

I worried for no reason. All is good in remission-land! The fatigue is caused by the maintenance chemo drug that I take to keep me in remission longer. I guess I thought that it would get better in time, not worse. <sigh> I have written in previous posts that there is a price to be paid for cancer survival. As Rumpelstiltskin says in the TV series Once Upon a  Time, "Magic comes with a price!" 

Contrary to what some people think, there is a lot of work going on in cancer research. New treatment protocols are being approved all the time. They are releasing them much sooner than in the past. No more are they taking 10 years to fully research long term effects before allowing them into mainstream use. This is a blessing and a curse.

The blessing is that there are drugs that can help right now...and you feel as though you are actually doing something to battle the beast. For those who have relapsed and especially those that are refractory (not responding to therapy) the new drugs offer hope.

The curse part of it is that doctors don't know the long term effects. They can make educated guesses and provide this info to their patients, but ultimately, it is up to the patient to make a decision on their treatment based on very little information. It was this way with my decision to avail myself of Revlimid for maintenance therapy.

Studies have shown that Revlimid will prolong the remission period for Multiple Myeloma patients after stem cell transplant. There is not enough evidence yet to conclude that it will prolong the overall life expectancy, however. There are many possible side effects to this drug, and each patient reacts differently. The decision is left to the patient as to whether they wish to take Rev, and endure the side effects, and increase their "average" remission period from 2 years to 4 or 5; or to forgo the maintenance therapy and live a side-effect-free life for a shorter period. In both cases, the patient goes back into treatment to induce another remission period.

The first question to my oncologist when I was considering my options was, if being on Rev for 3,4, or 5+ years would build a tolerance to the drug, rendering it ineffective when I needed it for treatment purposes. He did not know the answer. There was no answer because they have only recently begun using it for maintenance, so there is no historical data. At that time there were very few choices of treatment aside from Rev. This was a big risk to take.

In the past 6 months there have been 3 new drugs approved for use in relapsed and refractory myeloma in the US. Three!!! It is amazing! This reduces that risk for someone like me, who has chosen to take maintenance therapy.

I also considered the advances being made with immunotherapy. This is amazing stuff. They inject you with a virus or disease -- like common cold, or measles, or polio -- that has been modified to attach itself to the cancer cells. Your immune system will then attack it and kill it. (This is a simplified explanation...for more info just google it.) It will take years to fine-tune this approach and if maintenance therapy can give me several more years, then it gives me hope for a cure within my lifetime! Well worth the risk.

This brings me to the "cost" of this miracle therapy. The side effects have been presented to you in previous blog posts, so I won't belabor it here. The biggest culprit for me is the fatigue. I am so, so tired. I will do 30-60 minutes of housework and then have wave of nausea come over me which is my body's way of saying "whoa!!" and I have to rest. Usually this means an hour of lying down and maybe a nap. This is in addition to the naps and rest periods I already have to take each day.

Is it worth it? Not being able to work, not being dependable or predictable when making plans, unable to do the things I really want to do, feeling lazy. Dealing with pain of peripheral neuropathy every day. Becoming confused and forgetting things or not being able to gather my thoughts sometimes. Is it worth it? YES!


YES IT IS! I may not be at the top of my game, but I feel as though I am fighting this beast with all the weapons available to me. If I can keep it down until the cavalry arrive, then I will be victorious in the end. It is worth it. From time to time I might get frustrated, and a little depressed, about the quality adjustment...but I am entitled. At the end of the day, I can function. I can fulfill my duties as a Mom, Daughter, Sister, Wife, Friend, and Pain-in-the-Ass (to some)! My new normal may not be all I had hoped it would be, but I can live with it. The price of this magic is worth it!

All Revved Up!

 

My maintenance chemo drug is called Revlimid...or Rev, for short. It will likely double the time I will be in remission. It truly is a miracle drug for Multiple Myeloma patients...but it comes at a hefty cost.

It is free for relapsed Myeloma, but not for those using it for maintenance therapy. Luckily, the drug plan we are on picks up 80% and the drug company picks up the other 20% so we don't have to pay the $11,000.00 a month price tag. The financial cost, however, is not what I am going to talk about today.

The side effects of Relimid, or Lenalidomide, (the generic name) are varied from patient to patient. One website lists the most common side effects of Revlimid as: pneumonia, upper respiratory tract infection, urinary tract infection, neutropenia, thrombocytopenia, dizziness, dyspnea, headache, skin rash, weakness, epistaxis, fatigue, cough, anemia, nausea, edema, vomiting, muscle cramps, diarrhea, constipation, pruritus, arthralgia, insomnia, limb pain, pharyngitis, abdominal pain, dyspnea on exertion, back pain, peripheral edema, hypokalemia, nasopharyngitis, xeroderma, and anorexia. Other side effects include febrile neutropenia, chest pain, depression, leukopenia, pain, dysuria, palpitations, hypertension, myalgia, increased serum alanine aminotransferase, hypomagnesemia, rhinitis, peripheral neuropathy, loose stools, night sweats, upper abdominal pain, cellulitis, hypoesthesia, hypothyroidism, dysgeusia, erythema, xerostomia, diaphoresis, bruise, and ecchymoses.

I am not sure what many of these are...and I have pretty good grasp of the medical stuff...but I will say that I have a number of these. The most significant are fatigue, confusion (although not listed, it is likely one of those complex words in there), muscle cramps, diarrhea and peripheral neuropathy.

Fatigue is the BIG ONE. I have been so very tried these past few weeks. I generally plan out one outing or "event" per day at the most and will purposely schedule rest days before and after something BIG. It is working out pretty well for me so far. People do not see me as tired or sickly...I am always rested up when I see people. I am usually good for 4-5 hours and then I need a little rest.

It has been a little harder to get organized this year. Christmas has crept up on me. Although all my shopping and wrapping is done, I did not get out all the Christmas cards I had hoped to and some parcels were just sent last week!! I have not planned out my Christmas dinner menu and shopping and I have people dropping by on Sunday, and a big meal again on Monday as well. Yikes!!

My peripheral neuropathy is quite pronounced. This is nerve damage caused by previous cancer medications and then exacerbated by the Revlimid. It has become progressively worse, starting off as just tingling in my feet and calves. It then progressed to numbness, or a sleeping feeling. Pins and needles were next with extreme hot or cold sensations. Next came the pain. Sharp, stabbing pains in the feet and legs. Most days I just feel like I have sand in my socks, and at night I feel like someone is sticking pins into a voodoo doll's toes.

When I was on Velcade injections (Dec 2013-Apr 2014) they monitored for PN. They would ask me how it was going and I would downplay the severity because I knew that Velcade was the drug that would kill the myeloma cells and I did not want them to take me off of it. At the end of the 4 months it was still tolerable, but like a roast that is taken out of the oven to rest, it was still cooking.The stem cell transplant seemed to kick it into overdrive and by the fall of 2014 it was very bad. Then I started to take Revlimid and it has PN as a side effect as well. I manage the pain with 2 doses of Lyrica a day and sometimes percocet, sleeping pills, or medical cannibis at night.

I can walk a fair distance (although the arthritis in my feet has flared up as well) but I pay for it later with the pain that night. This has hampered my efforts to get more exercise... although, I admit I have not expended much energy in persuing alternative options. :) 

The diarrhea was an issue until I discovered a medication that helped immediately. The Rev causes your body to recognize your bile as poison. At some point in the day, when my body would begin some digestion process, usually in the evening, I would have severe abdominal cramps and then about 45 - 60 minutes of washroom time. It you have ever seen one of those stool charts -- I would start at the top and end with the water...all in one "sitting". LOL. Not pleasant and certainly hampered my ability to go out without investigating washroom options first. The Colestid works very well, but if I forget to take it, I have the issue that day again.

Forgetting to take my medication, or getting it all mixed up is an issue for me. I don't know if it is Chemo Brain (see a previous post on that), menopause, or the Revlimid that is causing it, but I tend to get confused and forgetful. I have a pill sorter and I have found that I have made some significant mistakes in filling it. I now double check and then check when I take my pills as well...although I have been known to look at them, verify that they are the right ones, and then later discover I actually took the wrong ones (ie:morning vs night). I started to get confused when I introduced the Colestid (for diarreah) as it has to be taken an hour before a meal and not within 1 or 4 hours of some of the other meds. With my fatigue causing me to sleep late many mornings, I am behind the 8 ball when I wake up. Maybe I need to set an alarm and take the morning pills at 8, then go back to sleep so I can take the Colestid when I get up.<sigh> 

I also put things away and then can't find them. It is very frustrating. I call myself "stupid" several times a day when I realize a mistake a made earlier when I was "foggy". The annoying thing is that I don't always recognize that I am in a fog until later when I try to remember what I did. Some days I just know that I am stunned. I will tell Al that I am stunned that day and he watches to make sure I don't do dumb things. LOL!! I have never done anything dangerous...and I don't drive if I am really tired or feel out of it at all.

The mental challenges affect my ability to multi-task or take on complex thinking tasks.I will often get the mail and stock-pile it until I feel able to deal with the opening, sorting and other actions associated with the bills and correspondence. It is the same with phone calls and other conversations. Sometimes I cannot find the word I am seeking or I lose track of my thoughts mid-sentence. Names of people sometimes escape me and I often repeat myself. At least I recognize it and admit to it...it is not severe...just an annoyance, but it can be frustrating and scary at times.

The muscle spams are another frustrating side effect of the Rev. I will reach for something and a muscle in my arm or had will go into spasm. Not for long...10-15 seconds maybe, but ouch! One night at dinner at The Keg, I was sitting in the back of the booth and my ham-string suddenly spasmed. I tried to straighten my leg under the table, grimacing and moaning at the same time and the waitress thought I was having a seizure I think. LOL. Again it did not last long, but yikes, did it hurt!  I take magnesium supplements, topical magnesium oil, and epsom salt baths to increase the level of magnesium in my body. It is helping.

All in all, these side effects are minor. They do affect my day to day activities somewhat, but I am alive and still in remission 19 months after my stem cell transplant! At the end of the day it is worth it! 

I hope this post did not come off as a litany of complaints...it is meant to educate and enlighten others on how this seemingly invisible disease impacts those who are fighting it.

Please have a wonderful Christmas and New Years. Be safe and happy. I love you all. Thanks for tuning in!! xo

 

the Starry Night Gala's shining star!

Friday, November 13th was the Starry Night Charity Gala for Wellspring Niagara. I managed to come home in the same pantyhose I left in and keep my gorgeous new shoes on all night!! :)

At my table was a woman who also has Multiple Myeloma. This was a treat since I don't really know anyone else that has it. Internet friends don't count in this case. We had a great conversation about how we got to this point and the side-effects of the Revlimid we are currently taking. It was wonderful to meet someone who really, truly understands. Where else can you meet someone and less than 2 hours later you are discussing diarreah! LOL!

It really hit home that although I am surrounded by people that love me and support me on this journey, I still feel alone at times. You all know someone who has had breast cancer, or prostate cancer...but how many people do you know with Multiple Myeloma? Not many, I would suspect.

I know that every cancer journey is unique and that just because someone has the same cancer does not mean your journey is the same. But knowing someone else with the same cancer makes you feel less alone.

I will be connecting with my new friend via Facebook and we will keep in touch. My new friend, Elisabeth, you have no idea how much it means to me that you came into my life. Thank you!!

And a big thank you to the universe for setting it all up!

Retirement...I'm just not ready...nice hair though!

                  

I have been off work for 2 years now. In November 2013, I had some leave available so I took that and applied for disability. Since EI (Employment Insurance) had already paid me earlier in the year when I was off with my tennis elbow surgeries, only a few weeks remained available. As such, I had a few months of no income.

My disability kicked in mid-February 2013. I receive 70% long term disability for 2 years.They have approved me beyond that date, at a reduced rate (66%), and require me to apply for CPP (Canada Pension Plan) Disability. This does not reduce my overall payment, just where I get the money from.

The monkey-wrench comes from the fact that my employer (Canada Revenue Agency) is asking me to state my intentions. In the past there have been many employees who were left alone while on sick leave and no-one bothered them for 3 or more years. I guess that environment no longer exists. They are within their rights to ask me about my intentions as we approach the 2 year mark. I don't blame them. Money is tight...and they want to either staff or dissolve the position. As an employee of 33 years, I am saddened. I thought I was more than another number. I thought that 33 years of dedicated service bought me something. I was fooling myself.

I attended a pre-retirement info session a month or so back. I realized after 3 days of being in a quasi-work environment, that I could not possibly return to work. Not only was I exhausted, but it was difficult to concentrate, my peripheral neuropathy was quite bad, and my blood pressure was very high. I conceded that medical retirement was the path I needed to take.

It is not an easy pill to swallow. I know that it is best. I know we can manage with the additional financial hit. I know it is something that I earned. I know....but it still hurts. It hurts that I spent 33 years in a public service job with the goal of freedom 55. At 55 I would have 35 years of service and have earned a full 70% pension. It was the goal of many newbies back in the early 80's. It was the payback for years of thankless, yet extremely important, work. Payback for the abuse hurled at me from the public who were caught smuggling, or just lying - because it's okay to do that at Customs, right? The abuse I took from co-workers when I surpassed them into jobs they thought they should get, but didn't earn. The abuse I took from the Union, who made it extremely personal, when I only wanted what was best for the majority of my employees. Payback for the unpaid hours and hours spent on getting the job done they way it needed to be done, not just the way it could get done in the time allotted. Payback for not being there for my kids when I worked the equivalent of 3 jobs at once until I burnt out...and they filled my position with 3 people. Payback for being fiscally responsible and not abusing the public coffers when it would have been easy to do. Payback for treating people fairly - even when they were assholes. Payback for letting others take credit for my hard work, and not complaining as it would make me look like the bad guy. Payback for years of working with, and for, misogynists, creeps, and incompetent people.

So, I will retire in the next few months. I have to get the CPP Disability sorted out before filing my papers at CRA. Don't need any glitches. I also have to pay back my pension contributions for the past 2 years that I was off. That will be a pretty penny!

Although I am sad that I have to throw in the towel 2 years short of my goal, I am so incredibly proud of my accomplishments. I started my career as a student Customs Inspector. I secured a permanent position and was really good at all the jobs I worked at over the years. I made some incredible changes and made the workplace better. People liked to work for me and with me. I liked to have some fun, but we also got the job done.

Recognition came in several forms, but one in particular changed my path. I had been asked to assist a Director's committee on budget reductions as a scribe. I have control issues (yah...really) and just took the ball and ran with it. I organized the project, kept everyone on task, and pulled the reports together for them. I contributed at a level they had not expected and when the final report went to the Regional Collector of Customs, they gave me the credit I deserved.

As an acknowledgement, the Collector requested that I be given an opportunity to act in a management position. I first heard about this when my manager and the new manager had a conversation in front of me about when I could start the new job. I had to interrupt and ask what they were talking about. That was when I learned I would be managing Customs at the largest in-land truck terminal in the country. Ummm...hmmm...did anyone ask if I was interested? I took the job. The orientation to my first management position was..."here is your inbox, your secretary will put your mail in it and let you know if you have meetings. I have to go." And he did. LOL!! Yikes! The advice I got from someone was to think of the managers you have had in the past. Emulate the good things and don't do the bad things. So, I did. And I was good at it. I remained in management positions for most of the rest of my career.

I am proud of the work I did and of the people I developed along the way. I saved a couple of lives...well, their jobs at the very least...but likely their lives too. I brought "people management" back into vogue. I was consultative, representative and collaborative whenever it was possible. I am so proud of my employees who were successful...like a mother is of her own children. I did lots of good and had lots of fun and many, many good years!

I know it is time to retire. It still hurts to say the words. I feel like I did not accomplish my goal. I suppose I will need to set a new one. :)

A message to the newly diagnosed

I am often approached by friends about the possibility of sharing my Blog with others. I have posted this on an open forum, so please, please, if you know someone who might benefit from reading it, please share.

Oftentimes, it is a situation where someone they know has been recently diagnosed and is struggling emotionally. It is difficult to comfort and counsel someone if you know nothing about how they might feel. I am so thankful to have had blogs to go to when I needed them, so I am honoured to be considered a place for people to go to when they need some help.

If you a newly diagnosed cancer (not necessarily multiple myeloma) patient, this is a good start. Reaching out to others who might understand how you are feeling helps to calm you and lessen that feeling that you are in this alone.

First, I don't like to refer to myself as a cancer patient. I am a WARRIOR. We are fighting a war. Each battle that we encounter is fought with everything we have in our arsenal. After each battle we rest, heal and strengthen in preparation for the next battle. Some of us will win the war. Some of us will battle to the death. An army does not curl up and give up after the loss of one battle. They regroup, consider lessons learned, and modify their strategy for the next time. It is that way with the cancer war as well.

New weapons of mass destruction are being developed all the time. I believe it is in your best interests to educate yourself fully on your disease and look at the research that is being done for future treatments. This not only provides you with a sense of control over what is happening to you, it empowers you to make decisions about your treatment and care, but also to make suggestions to your doctors. They cannot know everything about your cancer. They are always learning, but they are so busy caring for the patients they have, that they are sometimes behind a bit on the new stuff. You can research yourself and if you have a good oncologist with an open mind, you can work with them to try new things.

I suggest you go to some of the American (credible) sites and just see what is taking place in research for your particular type of cancer. One of the best sites I have found is www.PatientPower.info . This site contains lots of info but what I really like is the video library of snippets on specific topics taken from medical conferences. You are seeing real doctors and specialists speaking about a wide range of topics from how to deal with diarrhea to cutting edge clinical trials and drugs in research.

If you have Multiple Myeloma, you may like www.multiplemyeloma.blog . This one comes with a warning though. I have been following Pat Killingsworth's blog for a few years now and have gained so much knowledge about my disease, research, options, side effects, links, etc. Unfortunately, Pat, himself, has lost a few battles along the way. Most recently he is trying a "Hail Mary" tandem stem cell transplant to try to extend his life. All of us will one day be close to the end of our war and I find it inspiring and insightful to see how Pat is still rallying his troops and pulling new weapons out to fight each battle to the fullest. If you do go to his site, maybe go to the earlier posts first, or do some research via search or links. You may not be emotionally ready to jump into the posts of the past few months.

I do not discount the Canadian sites as sources of information. I find, though, that in the US, there are several large cancer research centres and speciality hospitals. They have a lot more money for research projects and share info on the clinical trials that they are running. As long as you understand that some of the trials available in the US are not available to Canadians, and that drugs coming into US mainstream treatment may not yet be approved for Canadian use, then there is no issue. Manage your expectations. If, however, you prefer a more practical approach, and want to know what is happening in Canada, right now...then stick to the Canadian sites. They offer a ton of info and support.

I wrote about Wellspring Niagara Cancer Support Centre in previous blog posts. I invite you to look back and review them. Just walking through the door of your local support centre will take a huge load off of your shoulders. If you are newly diagnosed, you have so many thoughts in your head, you cannot make sense of one. You have fears and concerns and questions that you cannot ask your spouse or loved ones. Been there, done that! Wellspring was there for me. They offer an ear to listen that has been in your shoes. (That is a strange visual image...LOL!) The volunteers have all been affected by cancer themselves and can relate to what you are feeling. Just knowing you can talk to someone about issues that would be too painful to discuss with your spouse or parents or children takes a huge weight off of you! It is a "must try" for all newly diagnosed cancer warriors. Please give it a shot!

Keep your sense of humour. Even if this is not a funny topic, you can lighten the load on yourself by finding some humour (sometimes quite dark) in your situation. Laugh as much as you can. Smile, even if you don't really feel like it at first...I guarantee it is infectious.

Start each day being thankful that you are still here to see the sun, clouds, rain and snow. Make an impact on someone else's life as well. When you go to the cancer clinic for treatment or tests, smile at the other patients. Engage them in conversation. They are fellow warriors in the same war.

If you like to write, start your own blog. If you are unsure, create it as a private blog, a diary or journal of sorts. You may find that you will decide to open it to the public after a time. Once you read others' blogs, you will feel more comfortable in sharing your own thoughts. The writing is therapeutic in and of itself.

Stay strong. Eat well and sleep or rest when you can. If you can, get some exercise. Do not forget to maintain your mental health as well. You need all the weapons you can find for this war. Keeping yourself strong is the most important. The fact that you are reading this tells me that you are already putting on your armour and readying yourself. Congratulations. You have already won the first battle. You did not roll over and wait for death after your diagnosis. You said "WTF...this is not over! I will win! I will beat this!" In the words of Dylan Thomas, Do not go gentle into that dark night!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

By Dylan Thomas