I have been off work for 2 years now. In November 2013, I had some leave available so I took that and applied for disability. Since EI (Employment Insurance) had already paid me earlier in the year when I was off with my tennis elbow surgeries, only a few weeks remained available. As such, I had a few months of no income.
My disability kicked in mid-February 2013. I receive 70% long term disability for 2 years.They have approved me beyond that date, at a reduced rate (66%), and require me to apply for CPP (Canada Pension Plan) Disability. This does not reduce my overall payment, just where I get the money from.
The monkey-wrench comes from the fact that my employer (Canada Revenue Agency) is asking me to state my intentions. In the past there have been many employees who were left alone while on sick leave and no-one bothered them for 3 or more years. I guess that environment no longer exists. They are within their rights to ask me about my intentions as we approach the 2 year mark. I don't blame them. Money is tight...and they want to either staff or dissolve the position. As an employee of 33 years, I am saddened. I thought I was more than another number. I thought that 33 years of dedicated service bought me something. I was fooling myself.
I attended a pre-retirement info session a month or so back. I realized after 3 days of being in a quasi-work environment, that I could not possibly return to work. Not only was I exhausted, but it was difficult to concentrate, my peripheral neuropathy was quite bad, and my blood pressure was very high. I conceded that medical retirement was the path I needed to take.
It is not an easy pill to swallow. I know that it is best. I know we can manage with the additional financial hit. I know it is something that I earned. I know....but it still hurts. It hurts that I spent 33 years in a public service job with the goal of freedom 55. At 55 I would have 35 years of service and have earned a full 70% pension. It was the goal of many newbies back in the early 80's. It was the payback for years of thankless, yet extremely important, work. Payback for the abuse hurled at me from the public who were caught smuggling, or just lying - because it's okay to do that at Customs, right? The abuse I took from co-workers when I surpassed them into jobs they thought they should get, but didn't earn. The abuse I took from the Union, who made it extremely personal, when I only wanted what was best for the majority of my employees. Payback for the unpaid hours and hours spent on getting the job done they way it needed to be done, not just the way it could get done in the time allotted. Payback for not being there for my kids when I worked the equivalent of 3 jobs at once until I burnt out...and they filled my position with 3 people. Payback for being fiscally responsible and not abusing the public coffers when it would have been easy to do. Payback for treating people fairly - even when they were assholes. Payback for letting others take credit for my hard work, and not complaining as it would make me look like the bad guy. Payback for years of working with, and for, misogynists, creeps, and incompetent people.
So, I will retire in the next few months. I have to get the CPP Disability sorted out before filing my papers at CRA. Don't need any glitches. I also have to pay back my pension contributions for the past 2 years that I was off. That will be a pretty penny!
Although I am sad that I have to throw in the towel 2 years short of my goal, I am so incredibly proud of my accomplishments. I started my career as a student Customs Inspector. I secured a permanent position and was really good at all the jobs I worked at over the years. I made some incredible changes and made the workplace better. People liked to work for me and with me. I liked to have some fun, but we also got the job done.
Recognition came in several forms, but one in particular changed my path. I had been asked to assist a Director's committee on budget reductions as a scribe. I have control issues (yah...really) and just took the ball and ran with it. I organized the project, kept everyone on task, and pulled the reports together for them. I contributed at a level they had not expected and when the final report went to the Regional Collector of Customs, they gave me the credit I deserved.
As an acknowledgement, the Collector requested that I be given an opportunity to act in a management position. I first heard about this when my manager and the new manager had a conversation in front of me about when I could start the new job. I had to interrupt and ask what they were talking about. That was when I learned I would be managing Customs at the largest in-land truck terminal in the country. Ummm...hmmm...did anyone ask if I was interested? I took the job. The orientation to my first management position was..."here is your inbox, your secretary will put your mail in it and let you know if you have meetings. I have to go." And he did. LOL!! Yikes! The advice I got from someone was to think of the managers you have had in the past. Emulate the good things and don't do the bad things. So, I did. And I was good at it. I remained in management positions for most of the rest of my career.
I am proud of the work I did and of the people I developed along the way. I saved a couple of lives...well, their jobs at the very least...but likely their lives too. I brought "people management" back into vogue. I was consultative, representative and collaborative whenever it was possible. I am so proud of my employees who were successful...like a mother is of her own children. I did lots of good and had lots of fun and many, many good years!
I know it is time to retire. It still hurts to say the words. I feel like I did not accomplish my goal. I suppose I will need to set a new one. :)
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