There are so many people in my life that are having a tough time. It is not fair. Cancer is not fair. Good people should not suffer. Assholes and criminals live their lives illness-free and good people are dealing with crap they should not have to. Arggghhhh!
There are a lot of things going on that I can't talk about here because of confidentiality requests. I can tell you that I have a network of friends and fellow cancer warriors that are very dear to me. We rally each other when we are down. We celebrate small victories and console each other when something goes bad. We support each other. We rely on each other. It is uplifting, empowering, and heart-warming. It is also devastating when one of us loses the battle.
It broke my heart to lose Pat Killingsworth earlier this year. He was a source of inspiration every single day. Throughout his last battle, he posted a short note on FB, almost every day, to say how he was doing and then still posted larger articles on his blog when he could. He always responded to my posts. He fought so damn hard. I miss him.
You might think it a little crazy that I connect so deeply to people I have not seen for many years, or some that I have never even met in person. It is not unlike the sense of loss people felt this past week when they learned of Prince's death...or Robin Williams...or Princess Di. You never met them or knew them, but you felt saddened by their passing because they brought something to your life and you felt a connection.
My cancer warrior friends are like that. We are there for each other. A wonderful man that I met through Wellspring Niagara lost his battle last week. He fought hard and defied so many odds. I met him a few times and heard him speak at the Wellspring Gala last November. He was so inspiring. He had a positive spirit and a desire to live. Now he is gone.
I have another friend who has been fighting breast cancer for a few years now. She has done everything she needed to do...eating healthy, exercising, staying positive, chemo, radiation, surgery...preventative surgeries...test after test...and Bam! It shows up again, somewhere else. Enough! It is not fair. She is a beautiful, strong, and vibrant wife, mother and friend. Fuck off, Cancer. Fuck OFF!
Another close friend is seeing the doctor today about the surgery he had a few weeks ago to remove a tumour from his kidney. My friend in Turkey with lymphoma is coming back to Canada to continue her treatment...she is still not ready for her stem cell transplant due to new lesions that need to be treated first. I have other friends who are in hospital right now fighting non-cancer related battles. One is not likely to make it, or at the very least will lose his legs, and the other has been in the ICU since April 15th.
I am sad. I am frustrated. I am scared. Can we slow down time? Can we pause the program for a bit? I am tired and I need a little breather.
I will be okay. I will find my strength again. That is what we do. We let the sadness wash over us for a while, then we take that deep, cleansing breath and stand up, ready to right the next battle. Sigh. Writing this is my cue to take that breath.
3 comments:
Hugs Linda - it's an awful disease and it's touched far too many, so anger is a naturalresponse. it should FUCK OFF! Xo. Hang in there.
Keep fighting the good fight. You are entitled to have days like this. Life holds no promises except the gift itself. We ALL need to remind ourselves, every single day, how precious the gift of life is. It sucks we all have to go at some point. It is not your time Linda. Somehow I know this. So fight on my dear. Fight on. Lean when you need to. Rant when you need to. You have wonderful people all around you. You know this. Just know, that you are never, ever alone.
Love,
Chris
Linda: When Maria was stricken with cancer I had Fuck Cancer tattooed on my wrist. One or two people expressed that they were offended by the words. I said they should be offended by the fucking disease. I should have had it tattooed on my forehead for all to see. Hang in there,young lady.
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