My son is coming home for 3 months to help care for me. He took a job 3 years ago in Osoyoos, BC and loves it out there...but there were various circumstances that made it difficult for him to want to stay there. The most significant one was last April when Al had a heart attack and cardiac arrest. Mark was only 23 years old...the same age Al was when his father succumbed to the same medical trauma. Unfortunately he was not able to be revived. For Mark, this shot of reality regarding his father's mortality hit him hard. A short 7 weeks later, Al and I were out west telling him that I had cancer. Once it was determined that I needed to begin treatment, Mark decided he wanted to come back to Ontario to be here to help us. In August he submitted a transfer request citing compassionate grounds relating to my health condition and concern for his father's ability to manage this load himself.
I have family, but my brother Raymond is in Ottawa, my sister Michele is in Summerland, BC, my sister Christine is in Kelowna, BC, and my parents are almost 4 hours away in Port Elgin. The brunt of the care-giving lies on Al's shoulders. His bosses have been great to allow him the time to take me to appointments (I have blood work every Wednesday and Chemo every Thursday along with additional appointments with 2 oncologists). However the time he misses on those days leaves him with work that still needs to be done at some point...either in the evening or on the weekend. In addition he is not sleeping soundly and is in denial about the toll this is taking on him. Having Mark home would have been a god-send this past 4 months. Kaila was home for a few weeks to help out and she calls me every day, but she is not in a position to be able to drop everything a move back. Nor would I want or expect her to. I get much more comfort knowing she has a good job and is establishing a life for herself in Calgary. :)
Mark submitted his transfer request and several follow-up emails since then and was never provided an official response regarding if it was even being considered. When he contacted the highest ranking official in his region outlining his situation and practically begging for a response, he got an apology and assurance that he would have a response within a week. That was in February. So he decided the only option left for him is to take a leave of absence from work and come to Ontario to help out during the critical time in May, June and July. It will be necessary for me to have 24 hour care for this time period and one care-giver is just not enough. If one of them contracts even a common cold they cannot have contact with me.
Al and I each have over 30 years of service with the federal government. We both hold senior positions in our respective departments and have been exemplary employees. This is not what we expected.We did not expect special treatment for our son but just the courtesy of an honest and compassionate response to his request. (As any employee should expect.) If it was not possible at that time, just say so. Manage expectations. Show compassion for the situation. How disappointing. The "employer of choice" certainly has some self-assessment and improvement to do.
In any event, Al will fly out to BC in late April and help Mark move out of his house and drive back to Ontario. He rents a house with his friend and co-worker, Dave, who just build a new house in Penticton and is moving in mid-April. Mark has no idea when or if his transfer will come through so he will not be seeking another apartment or house at this time. He will move his possessions back in a U-haul and determine next steps after his leave is up. Surely he will have an indication of when or if his transfer is being considered by August of this year!
While Al is out west and travelling back across the continent with Mark, my parents will come to stay with me. I will have chemo and then my Neupogen shots during this time so I will not be feeling well. This means that both my parents have to take time off work (neither gets paid if they don't work) to come to care for me.
Cancer has such wide-spread impacts and implications far beyond the medical ones. Everyone is affected. I hate that I must rely on so many people for so many things. I have always prided myself on being independent and self-reliant. This is difficult for me and for everyone else. But we do what we have to do. My friends send messages of hope and happiness and love to lift my spirits and others offer their time and assistance to get me to appointments and give Al a break. I have a difficult time accepting assistance, but it is a necessary evil. It will only get more intense in the coming months.
I am thankful every day for the wonderful people in my life who give so much to me. I will need to be sure to give back in some way when I am able.
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